(no subject)

[asheris]

Oh darn, it's hard to decide...

Ventura's Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

St. Paul, Minn. (SatireWire.com)
Saying he wanted to protect his family's privacy, Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced this week he will not run for re-election, yet another sign that the intense media scrutiny given to those in public service is driving away the best and brightest professional wrestlers.

Ventura, whose first term has been marked by controversy, lashed out at critics Wednesday for their tactics, which he said would keep not just professional wrestlers, but also circus clowns and possibly even "Survivor" participants from seeking public office.

"You jackals in the media have to ask yourselves, 'Is it right to harass a man just because he continually allows his son to throw wild parties in the governor's mansion? Is it right to cast doubt on a man's priorities just because he wanted to make money as a TV analyst for the XFL while he was governor? Is it right to question a man's intellect just because he said he wants to be reincarnated as a size 38DD bra?"

"Um... is this a trick question?" the media replied.



Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com)
Democratic finger-pointing over how the Bush administration handled terrorist threats prior to 9/11 intensified today as Republicans accused their opponents of purposely pointing at the White House with the wrong finger.

"When pointing the finger of blame, you're supposed to use your index finger, and we suspect they know that," said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, who requested that Democrats stop pointing with the "other one."

In response, Senate leaders Tom Daschle, Joseph Lieberman, and Bob Graham burst out giggling.